I am an introvert, a pure breed I believe. If I have the power to make people leave me alone for the rest of my life I might do that. But I can’t be an island, so I tolerate, I make do. I deal with people and show up at functions only when I necessary need to. But I had a light bulb moment that I cannot ignore. And this sparked something in me, initially I was terrified because this thought will force me to move out of my cocoon and venture into uncharted waters.
Now, an average life expectancy is about 70 now. I am 28 this year and inching towards 30 as I type. If I live to 70, I have only 40 more years here on earth. That is I pull through without any unforeseen circumstances. 40 years is not short neither is it a breeze. I realized there is more than just me and my cocoon. I don’t want to just drift through life. I want something so much more than the humdrum. So, I asked myself this: what have I done in my life?
To begin with, my grades were not excellent in school. I barely pass all my major exams. Compared to my peers, I have not achieved much really. I am not married and I am still single (Most of my friends are either going to get hitched or welcoming their first baby). I do not have a career to boast about. My longest employment - two years in a multinational company and I am not type that will survive the 9 to 5 pattern. My talents, you ask? I can’t sing. I can’t dance. I don’t play any music instruments. I can’t give speeches because of my fear of public speaking. Numbers are my worst nemesis. And the list goes on and on.
But I choose to look beyond the lacks in me and ask myself again, what can I do? I know I can write – not award winning works but you are reading this, aren’t you? I know I am good with crafts and I am addicted to crafting. I don’t like to be in parties and gatherings but I love exchanging stories and discuss things that matter to one person at a time over a cup of coffee or a meal. I know I can cook a decent meal. I know I am a good listener. My love for words is growing as I mature.
Pin pointing what I can do took some time. The moment I was clear what I can do, I told my best friend: this is going to be a year of good changes(although is already closer to the end of the year). I am going to use what I know and what I am good at to better my life and then influence the life of people around me.
The idea sounds brave for an introvert, no? But I don’t have the slightest clue what to do next. No solid plan. But writing this piece is just the very first baby step. I used to be so afraid to write down what goes on in my head. Afraid that people will discover what I think. Writing a piece like this never cross my mind few years back because it feels like I am standing naked in a party full of well-dressed people.
What I will consciously choose to do differently this year:
- I make sure to make time for friends and family members I have neglected when I was hiding in my cocoon.
- Spend more quality time with my parents.
- I will write down ideas that crosses my mind throughout the day, so that I can turn them into stories in due time. (hopefully)
- I will push myself to better my crafting skills every time I craft.
I do not guarantee results or good reports for now, but I know the very least I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone for now.
Never too late to change.